Hunting the Muse

There seems to be a collective sense of restlessness around at the moment. My friends and I have been discussing it at some length. Everyone is feeling the need to expand their horizons and find something fulfilling that has nothing to with work, material things or consumerism. They talk of finding hobbies and seeking some kind of enlightenment. For a few lucky ones there is something concrete, definite that they want to pursue but for the rest of us we find ourselves flailing around hoping to chance upon that which will bring us the answers.
This, certainly in my case, seems to be the problem; the procrastination of it all. Thinking about doing something and bemoaning the fact that there is no time to do it. I’m lucky in the fact that I have a fairly good job that means I only work four days a week but that job also means I have more than enough work to do when I’m not actually there. Could I be more organised with my time? Well I’ve certainly made an effort this year and it seems to be paying off. So why is it that there still aren’t enough hours in the day? Procrastination again.
When I finished my first, as of yet, unpublished novel I thought that would be the start of a rushing flow of ideas and writings. It wasn’t to be. Nothing has come as fully formed as that first piece of work and as a result I grew disheartened and have only recently realised I am going to have to work much harder to get it done. I’ve a few ideas but none of them as solid as that first one and I can’t seem to decide which one is most worth pursuing.
In this, my dilemma, is at least something of an answer. Listening to my friends and observing myself I’ve realised that what seems to be lacking from each of our lives has one thing in common; the need to be creative or exploratory. None of us seem much interested in earning more money or getting ahead at work. We want to be creative. We feel that this is what will give our lives most fulfilment.
So as I sit with a new notebook in front of me with freshly sharpened pencils, a rather sedentary act to an outsider, what in fact I am doing is hunting down the muse. She/He is very reluctant to be found at the moment but I’m determined not to give up. I’ll sit here for as long as it takes, hopefully. I shall not be discouraged!
In the meantime these little blogs are words on a page at the end of each day and surely that means that the muse is at least within shouting distance just hiding away for now. Maybe they’re making me wait until I’ve paid my penitence for ignoring them for so long. I quite like the idea that I must prove my worth again. All very romantic and to some completely insane but you just never know.

Sacrifice

I am just about to reach (what I’m thinking of as) the magical number of words in my novel. That number is 40,000. For some reason it holds mystical connotations for me, maybe I’m thinking in these terms because I am writing a fairy tale for adults.

The total goal is 60,000 so that’s 2/3 of the way through. Up until now the most I have ever managed is 20,000 and none of it linear. I skipped around and wrote the set pieces I found easiest at the time. This one however is nearly 40,000 of continuing story.

It’s been a hard road. Not the least finding time to work when visitors and other commitments have taken me away from writing it and then I’ve had to endure a week or so of staring at the computer screen and writing one word an hour before I’ve got into the flow of it.

Over the past 6 weeks I have thought of nothing else. It’s been a fragile process during which I have read only children’s books and watched children’s films and watched no television whatsoever. Well maybe I will occasionally watch strictly come dancing. The reason for his is I’m easily distracted. I would really rather be reading than writing. I suffer from the most appalling book lust. I devour books as if I might be able to read everything before I die. So I’ve hidden myself from temptation and it’s worked really well.

Only thing is now that I’m in the last third I have a feeling the total will be more than 60,000 but I’m going to ignore that for now. I am trying to coincide my finishing with the arrival of Christmas. That way I can take some time off and all the books I have wanted to read have been saved up on my Amazon wish list and my partner will buy them all for me as Christmas presents and I can hermit for a couple of weeks and read, read, read.

I've been reading writers websites and they all say the same thing the important thing is to be there at your desk everyday. And I have. and it's worked...so far. fingers crossed.

It all feels like a sacrifice well worth making for the achievement of finishing a whole novel and gaining my masters. Would I do it again? If I got the chance yes I would, in a second.